The slow and sad sunset on Metallica

I ran across a new station the other day on my XM radio. It was an all-Metallica, all-the-time station which I assume is a run up to the release of their new album. As someone who cut my metal teeth on Metallica in high school, I couldn't have been more excited. If you can't read between the lines, my car isn't the most audio-capable vehicle on the road. I've got a tape deck and radio. I used to have a Sony Discman but it's such a pain to change a disk when driving. Plus, who even uses CDs anymore, other than as a source from which to rip the MP3s?

But I digress. It only took a couple of days to realize that the bulk of the music Metallica has in its library is absolute JUNK. (Now as I write this, "Sanitarium" just started playing from my Shuffle playlist...one of the few that made the cut.) I can remember distinctly when the corner was turned, and Metallica went from delivering truly inspired musical lyrics wrapped in a thick, dense sound.

It was the so-called Black album. It was almost like when Prince changed his name (not that I liked Prince before, during, or after). They got cocky and arrogant and decided to become trendsetters. If you remember, that album was called the "Black" album because it didn't have a title. It was just a solid black cover with a dark grey picture of a coiled snake in the corner. I can see how it played out:

Hetfield: "Hey, you know every band out there is titling their albums. That's so old and uncool. We're Metallica. Let's skip the title."
Lars: "Dude, that would be, like, so, like, you know, cool. It's never been, like, done before."
Kirk: "But what would we do for cover artwork if we don't have a title to guide it?"
Lars: "Shut up Kirk...you know we never give you any creative control."
Hetfield: "So what would we do for cover artwork if we don't have a title?"
Lars: "Good question dude."
Jason: "I gotta tell you guys, I don't like where this is going. I may have to quit the band."
Hetfield: "Whatever dude. You never looked like you were happy to be playing with us anyway, with that constant scowl and everything."
Jason: "That was for my ima--"
Hetfield: "What if we go with an all black cover? No title equals null artwork."
Kirk: "Did you just say 'null?'"
Lars: "Love it! And we could put a snake on it. Maybe with, like, no contrast so people have to squint to see it."
Hetfield: "Yeah dude, snakes exude meanness. That would be like so suggestive."
Kirk: "Did you just say 'exude?'"
Jason: "I'm telling you, I'm gonna quit..."
Hetfield: "You know what, f!@# it...this is bold new direction. Every other band has long hair too, let's cut ours off."
Jason: "Now I'm definitely quitting."
Lars: "BUUURRP! Yo James, pass me, like, a beer."

And so it was, they cut their hair, wrote some crappy songs while sitting on the throne and pushed out the Black album. Where they couldn't think of lyrics, they just said "Yeah, yeah, yeah." That was the inflection point that took Metallica from a band that mattered to one that dropped instantly to the bottom of the pile.

Over the years, they have tried to raise themselves from the stink heap, but it was always through ridiculous projects such as the S&M album (Symphony&Metallica, get it?). Their songs continued to devolve into the inane. Their music became less harsh, less refined, less studied, less innovative and more like they were just producing their jam sessions. Occasionally, a worthy throwback would emerge, such as "Frantic" on the St. Anger album, or "Hero of the Day" on the Load album. But for the most part, a return to their roots has been a hope unfulfilled.

So I'll stick with my Lightning, Master and Justice for the time being and be content that I at least have those classics to retreat to when I need a taste of heavy metal brilliance.